Friday, January 21, 2011

I think I hate the Internet

I hate sploggers. I have a Google news alerts on all of Karsh\Hagan's clients. And all of them, especially "American Crew," are triggered a dozen times a day by sploggers. This vomiting up of noncontent should be punishable by law.

I hate teases. People who Tweet things like, "This made my day! LINK" or "Check this out! LINK" Can't you even bother to tell me whether the link leads to a photo or song or give me some little hint?

I hate faux modesty. Status updates like, "I can't believe my blog post is getting so many great, smart comments! LINK" Give me a break. Your transparent attempt to draw traffic to your blog by feigning humility is silly. If you have a great post up, just post the title and let me decide for myself.

I hate complimenting up. I hate insulting up, too, of course. But at least the time-honored practice of drawing your betters into pissing matches requires nimbleness, persistence and balls. The newly popular method of flattering your betters so you can bask in their reflected glory really makes my skin crawl. "I can't believe I'm about to meet INSERT NAME HERE!" Or "Love your most recent post INSERT NAME HERE!" Or "In the offices of INSERT NAME HERE and so psyched to be meeting all their awesome and talented people!" Stop it, stop it, stop it. Nobody buys your lame attempt to ride someone else's coattails.

Oh my god, I think I hate the Internet. When did this happen? What the hell is going on?

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